Oasis - Wonderwall
Wow. Summer is going by so quickly, and I'm so excited to start school in September. I'm excited to be moving in to dorms. I'm excited for everything. While I'll probably spend most of my summer alone, that's Okay. I feel like I need to get to know myself better. To relax and stop stressing, for the first time in my life. I want to read, I want to start designing again (fashion/interiors, something I've been doing since I was literally 7 years old.) and I want to be crafty again. I miss making jewlery, I miss that kind of thing. I feel like my creativity has really died through all the things I've been going through, and I finally feel ready to be my creative self again.
I have a lot of books to read. The Da Vinci Code is the first on my list, because it's Kevin's. Then American Gods, Stardust, and some other Gaiman books I borrowed from Chris last summer. Then I have Good Omens, which I really need to finish. Oh, and the Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'll probably take a lot of my sister's books with me when I leave, since she won't read them again, anyways.
I finally feel like I don't need anybody. There's nobody in my life that I really rely on, which makes me happy. I can be a better friend to my friends, and be there for Steve. He just seems to brighten everything up for me, and wether he realizes it or not, has really helped me learn about myself. Finally I can be more helpful, because I don't feel like I'm so self-centered anymore. My Mom was right -- I just needed to finish highschool. Going to a new place is going to be great for me. Not living at home, not knowing anybody, I think I'll thrive.
There are still a lot of hard things in my life that are still upsetting, but I feel myself learning to cope with them. I miss my Dad so much, but everything happens for a reason. Maybe It happened so that I could really realize myself. I went through a lot of changes because of his death, but I learned so much. I used to be the most atheist, anti-religion type person ever. I find that I have more and more faith as time goes on, though. Nothing that makes me want to run out and become a Catholic or something, but I find myself able to give more credit to religion, and I find myself believing in a higher power. That God does exist, and to some extent is looking out for us all. That there is something more guiding us through our lives, and that everything does happen for a reason.
I think I may look in to joining the Eastern Stars. We'll see, but I think Kevin will be able to help me out with it if I want to, since he's a Mason/Shriner.
That's really about it. I've wanted to write some of these things for a long time, but for once, I feel like I'm ready. I'm ready.